Mini Ep. 4 - The Power of Kindness in the World

The #onekindsummer project offers tips on how to increase your empathy in midlife, a change that will have positive effects. Photo by Klim Musalimov on Unsplash.

#onekindsummer

Why should we be kinder to the world at large? That’s a question we’re exploring on today’s episode, which is the continuation of the #onekindsummer campaign on the pod. I’m on a 4-week break from posting interviews, but in the meantime I want to take a few minutes each week to think about how we can spread kindness this summer and beyond. Interviews will resume on Tuesday, July 9th.

It’s been great to see so many of you following along with this compassion series. This is the third and final week of the series. In the first week, we started with self-compassion. I hope that all of you are tending to yourselves in a kind way. Week two was about extending that kindness to family and friends. This week we’re examining how to be kinder to the world at large.

The War for Kindness 

A lot of today’s episode is inspired from Jamil Zaki’s book called “The War for Kindness.” He is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Laboratory. I don’t particularly love the title, and the introduction is a bit grim. I always wonder if a call to action based on negativity effectively engages people. When we perceive that things are so broken, it can feel overwhelming and therefore maybe our efforts won’t matter in the end. So, we don’t bother. However, Zaki points out that, “Plato saw mental life as a war between reason and passion – one that we often lose.” So, this war is in our minds. If you are interested in neuroscience and the research behind empathy, then you will want to get your hands on a copy of this book.

Why should we be kinder to the world at large? Zaki points out that “kindness is one of the animal kingdom’s most vital survival skills.” Animals need to help their kin to insure their survival and to work with other unrelated animals to do the same by working in partnership to find food, and secure protection.

Being kinder also benefits us. Zaki writes, “Decades of evidence demonstrate that individuals who empathize with others also help themselves. They attract friends more easily, experience greater happiness, and suffer less depression than their less empathetic peers.”

It’s important to note that scientists have discovered that we are able to grow new neurons in our brains throughout our lives. Our personality is not hardwired and our empathy levels are NOT fixed. By even convincing others of this ability, we are able to convince ourselves. Zaki cites Carol Dweck’s work on mindset. I mentioned her in last week’s episode. When we believe our biology is not fixed we are more easily able to change it.

Zaki provides a lot of inspiration by with stories of former skinheads who reform and go on to teach others about the negative impact of hatred. Or, how a group of convicts were able to increase their empathy by reading and discussing fiction – often with their sentencing judge. They were less like to reoffend after participating.

So, where does this leave us? Zaki concludes with a note about a new movement called effective altruism. He writes that, “effective altruists turn morality into math, by calculating how each of us can make the greatest possible positive impact on the world. They think about the future a lot.” In order to preserve the planet for our ancestors, we must embrace intergenerational empathy. We can take into account the sacrifices our ancestors made for us in the past and adopting a “kind of golden rule across time.” We can alslo cultivate a send of awe around the vastness of this world– which helps cultivates long-term thinking.

I hadn’t heard of this movement before, but it gives us something to consider.

Tips to try this week (and beyond!)

  • Feel others’ pain.

    There are tons of studies, including some by Zaki, that show when people watch “someone else feel pain, disgust, or pleasure they activate the same part of their brains they would if experiencing it themselves.” This is the act of mirroring and that empathy inspires kindness.

 

  • Widen your tribe.

    Zaki suggests that in order to be more inclusive we must define our group in a more expansive way. He says that if he thinks of himself as a Stanford-ite then UC Berkeley becomes his “enemy.” But, if he widens his scope to thinking of himself as an academic in California, then Berkeley professors become part of his tribe and then worth his time, attention, and empathy.

  • Reach out to someone.

    This doesn’t have to be someone you know. This can be as small as a smile to the employee in the parking garage. You never know how a kind gesture or word can reverberate. The Trevor Project found in recent study that, “just one accepting adult can reduce the risk of a suicide attempt [of a LGBT teen] by 40 percent.” It didn’t have to be a parent. I find this really remarkable.

 

  • Read fiction.

    Zaki cited the work of psychologist Raymond Mar, who found that “avid readers have an easier time identifying others’ emotions than people who read less.” Zaki says that “Fiction is empathy’s gateway drug.” I love that so much!

 

  • Do a small kindness this month.

    You can do this by donating time or money to a charitable organization. You can leave a good review for a business – too often we only think about this when the service is poor. Small kindnesses also include driving with kindness and not complaining.

 

  • Meditate.

    I’ve mentioned this every week because it’s so important. Zaki references a study by Tania Singer that measured the effects of intense meditation training. The results showed that participants had longer attention spans, were more in touch with their emotions and able to correctly identify others’ feelings with greater accuracy. They also acted more generously and found it easier to related to people who were different from them. Most striking is that the parts of their brain connected with empathy grew in size after this training.

    If you haven’t tried meditation before, but are curious to try, a good way to begin is with the Oprah and Deepak Chopra meditation series. In fact, beginning July 15th they will offer a free 21-day meditation, which they do from time to time. This month’s series will be on Miraculous Relationships. Each meditation is online for 5 days. I encourage you to check it out.

 

  • Choose kindness.

    I mention this as the last tip because it’s so simple to choose. It may feel harder on days when we’re tired or busy or in pain, but ultimately it is a rewarding choice.

 

I’d love to hear if you have any other tips or practices that help you. Be sure to use the hashtag #onekindsummer to show how you are spreading kindness and to recognize those who have made your life a little bit easier or brighter.

 

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